Why I became friends with my ex that cheated on me when I had cancer.
If you have read my other blog posts, you have probably come to find out that my life is insane. Every personal story I post probably sounds like stories from several different people and not just one. But in reality, at the ripe age of 23, I have endured so much crap. Luckily, sometimes it’s kind of funny.
So as we know, I was diagnosed with cancer in May of 2015, but before that I went to New York City with my high school choir. While I was states away, my boyfriend at the time went to a concert and ended up giving one of my friends a ride home. I had only known this girl for a semester but we had a little friend group going in our fifth hour AP US History class. She admitted to being a boyfriend stealer, and as a self conscious 17 year old, this made me weary of her ever meeting my boyfriend. But as fate would have it, that concert brought them together, and my absence that night allowed him to get her number.
They started sleeping together almost immediately. But of course, I would not find out until I was being diagnosed with cancer. And the only reason I found out was because his best friend made him tell me.
It was the week that I had back to back doctors appointments. Monday was the day I met the oncologist, by Wednesday I was in surgery getting my chemo port put in and having my biopsy done. Thursday was my last day of school, and I really only came for the hugs and the questions. In fifth hour, my girl group surrounded me asking me for all the details of my diagnosis and upcoming chemo schedule. The girl sleeping with my boyfriend looked me right in the eyes and feigned concern for my well being. That weekend, my boyfriend came over and broke the news. But he didn’t tell me the whole story. I was told that it was a one time thing that happened out of stress for what was going on with me. I didn’t find out this was a lie until the day my stage was elevated from 2b to 4. Thats the day I found out it had been going on for about a month.
I stayed with him for another month or so after this revelation. I was a teenage girl with cancer. I was horrified to be alone. He even shaved his head with me, something I still don’t understand. But eventually I did break up with him, and he immediately started dating the girl he cheated on me with.
Now that you have gotten all of that hot gossip, you’re probably looking back at the title and thinking I am fucking crazy. But just wait. It gets crazier.
We didn't talk for a long time. I never expected to bring this person back into my life in any capacity. But after my first year of college came to end; the person I was engaged to joined the Air Force and we broke up, I was completely confused and misguided about my future, and all my friends were in my hometown. I was so alone and as it turns out, so was my ex. Around the same time, my ex and the girl he cheated on me with, broke up. And their break up was pretty earth shattering. He had to return to his parents home and he was completely friendless. I don’t remember exactly how we began speaking again, but I quickly realized he needed a friend. He had gotten his just desserts, I got to see him and that girl fizzle out epicly. But seeing someone be completely friendless? That isn’t justice for me, that’s just a nightmare. So I decided to be his friend. And it saved my life, honestly. On some of my lowest days, he would come up to my town and just sit with me while I did homework. One night he spent the night in my dorm, just being there for me while I did an entire semester’s worth of Healthy Life Skills work. No one else in my life at the time would’ve done that for me.
After the school year ended, I returned home for the last time. It was the summer of 2017, my mother would end up moving to Colorado in a year. So I took advantage of being home. I was only a couple of miles away from my ex so we ended up spending a lot of time together. Like a lot. I let him stick and poke tattoo me one night and I still love those tattoos (my mom calls them prison tattoos). I would take him to my favorite lake spot in the middle of the night sometimes and we would just talk and listen to music. It was honestly really nice, we both needed the friendship.
But there came a point in the summer time where we had to stop hanging out. My ex ended up developing feelings for me again and I couldn’t reciprocate those feelings. It wasn’t even just because of our past, it was because my family hated him, and I was no longer the same person I was when we dated. But I said I would always be his friend and I meant it.
We drifted apart after that and he met someone. I went through college, making an absolute mess of myself every few months. Once again, we had put each other out of our minds.
But not too long ago, they popped back up into my life again. Once again he ended up single, moving back in with his parents, and friendless. And even though I am states away and in a loving relationship, I still extended a hand of friendship. We still talk often throughout the week. He calls me when he needs someone to talk to. He likes to hear me talk about my life and how happy I am.
I have forgiven him. We will never be romantically involved again, but I will always love him as a friend. The bond that we have is very unique and I just could never allow him to be without any kind of friendship or support. At the end of everything, if he has no one else, he has me.